One Less
by AngelsMoonLight
Summary: When we grow up, we stop fearing the monsters under our beds and fear the monsters in our heads. Calories get counted and meals skipped all to fit an image we can't resist. It's sad to think that once our biggest worry was getting to the playground on time and now its completely changed. -please comment, follow, and review :) SakuraxSasuke
1. Chapter 1

Hey Everyone

My name is Moon and I am new to the fanfiction writing world! I finally got the courage to update this story after months of pondering if I could actually write it. You see eating disorders and self harm in the form of starvation is a concept close to home. Growing in a world where magazines and TV are constantly telling us how to look and act is tough. I just wanted a story to remind everyone they're not alone while always shining a light on the reality of the situation.

But yes this story is all fiction. So read, comment, and follow

Till next time, Moon

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN NARUTO. (but I offer a dozen donuts…)

It all started with that one word.

_Fat._

That stupid, hideous word, that I couldn't for the life of me get off my mind.

I didn't realize just how destructive people could be, myself in particular.

They say that as we get older we stop fearing the monsters that hide under of beds and begin to fear the monsters in our heads. That's true, because day by day I became the monster that I feared. With every evil word I wrote or said to myself, I turned into someone that wasn't even recognisable to me or to my friends.

All because of that one word.

My name is Sakura Haruno and I let myself go because of that one word. This is my story.

**Chapter One**

"Sakura, it's time for school, get up!" I groaned and rolled over to my other side. My mom had starting calling for me at least half an hour ago but I really didn't want to leave the comfort of my bed.

Sighing in defeat though, I stretched out my back and pulled myself out of bed, only to grimace at what I saw in the mirror. How my hair stuck up that way every morning was a scientific mystery. Then again the bubble gum pink color of my hair was also a mystery, so it kind of made sense. I worked a brush through the shoulder length pink locks and began my morning routine. Brush teeth, wash face, put on concealer and mascara, and go change.

The leaves had just started to change color, meaning autumn weather was around the corner. I decided to wear some black leggings with a white t-shirt and a jean jacket, just in case the temperature dropped, liked it normally would in the afternoon.

Slipping on my gray, laced boots I made my way to the kitchen were the smell of pancakes drowned my senses.

"Smells great mom! Thanks for breakfast!" She gave my smile as she handed me a packed lunch. Her hair was pulled back in a sleek blonde ponytail and she had on her favorite shade of lipstick. That meant a big day in the office.

"I don't have to be at the office till noon so I decided why not send you with some treats today." I nodded in agreement, giving her a cheeky smile before digging in to my favourite food.

"Okay, well I'm off, want me to make dinner tonight?" I asked her. Going to the office at noon meant I wouldn't be seeing her for the rest of the day.

"Um, nah. I'll just pick something up. Why not go out to dinner with Ino?"

I planted a quick kiss on her cheek, "Sure thing!"

The walk to school was peaceful like always. I go to Leaf Academy, which is found in the center of the ever bustling downtown of Konoha. The city itself, is beautiful. Trees line all the sidewalks and it's surrounded but a lush forest and river. The cherry blossom garden can take anyone's breath away and the city was known for being a relatively safe place to live in. As long as you don't travel to the wrong parts of town that is.

I reached the school in record time, my group of friends already sitting at the steps at the entrance of the school, our usual spot.

The school looked more like mansion, well that's what is was years prior to it becoming the academy. The classrooms were set up in all the grand bedrooms and the dining hall fir the vast population of students that attended. The ballroom was used as a concert hall and the bathrooms had been renovated to fit everyone's needs.

It didn't take long for my best friend Ino to spot me amongst the crowd.

"Sakura, over here!" I rolled my eyes.

"You don't need to call to me Ino, we stand at the same spot every day." She let out a huff.

"Well excuse me for just trying to be friendly." I stuck out my tongue at her, causing our two other friends, Hinata and Tenten to start laughing.

"You two seriously go at it every morning!" Tenten exclaimed, and Hinata nodded in agreement.

"I-its true, n-never a single morning without s-some kind of fight."

Ino shrugged her shoulders before throwing an arm around me "I guess it's just what makes us best friends! We have the ability to make fun of each other while still loving each other. Right bill-board brow?"

"That's right Ino-pig!" That got us all into hysterics and also got the attention of one loud-mouth blonde haired boy.

"Now what's got you lovely ladies all happy this morning?" Naruto said, his smiling broadening with each step closer he came to his beloved girlfriend, Hinata. They were honestly the cutest couple. While Hinata had dark hair, pale skin and lavender colored eyes, Naruto had bright blonde hair, ocean blue eyes and a light tan that set off his features even more. It was like he was day and she was night, they completed each other.

"Ino and Sakura just being there usual selves." Tenten said with a shrug, her eyes already spotting Neji in the crowd. They had been best friends for as long as anyone can remember, but only recently had they both realized they wanted to be more than that. Tenten was crushing hard, but so far no action but some light flirting had taken place. Ino was sure he would make a move soon though, since Shikumaru confirmed the feelings between the two were mutual.

Ah Shikumaru. Ino's rock and probably the only constant guy in her life. If she would just look passed all the douche bags and idiots with nice hair and realize just how amazing they would be together. Her life would be far less hectic and dramatic if they got together, since Shikumaru was as calm as a cloud. But then again, Ino lived and breathed drama. The shock of a normal life might be too much for her. I say that with love.

Walking behind Neji and Shikumaru, with his usual calm expression was Sasuke. He was Naruto's best friend, the object of most the female student bodies affections and came from a prestigious family. But most importantly, he was the boy I was falling in love with. His raven black hair was spiked at the back, letting his bangs fall over his eyes just slightly. Oh man, his eyes though were as dark as the night sky but every once in a while, when he was in a really good mood, you could see a glint of something else, like a silver color that reminded me of starts. He was wearing a casual black v-neck and dark wash jeans that only seemed to show off his muscles even more.

To me he was a dream guy, my dream guy to be exact.

He was also my best friend. Which complicated things just a bit.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Ino said breaking me out of my thoughts as the guys took their regular spots next to us.

"Tired." Came Shikumaru's response. He was always tired. Laziness seemed to be the one quality of his that he perfected. But don't get me wrong, the kids a genius. Ino just rolled her eyes, pulling out her phone to answer one of the million texts she gets in a day. Shikuamaru took the seat next to her, and put his head on her lap. I didn't even know if Ino realized it, but she began running a hand through his long brown hair that he had up in a pony-tail.

I turned to Sasuke as a conversation started up with everyone, with Naruto at the center of attention.

"How are you?"

"Hn."

"We talked about that, Hn is not a response."

"Aa."

"You being serious right now?"

"…"

I put my head in my hands, Till about 10:00, Sasuke refused to have a proper conversation with anyone, much to my annoyance.

I could hear him chuckle at my frustration but refused to acknowledge him. Deciding just to listen to Naruto till it was time to go in. I got kind of bored of his story though and just leaned my head against Sasuke's shoulder. He didn't give any recognition to the fact, except for moving in a way to make it more comfortable for me.

Soon enough it was time for first period and Tenten and Neji headed off to Advanced Calculus while the rest of us made our way to English with everyone's favorite teacher, Kakashi-sensei.

Why is he everyone's favorite? Because he's always late.

"You busy afterschool Ino?" She shook her head no, as we took our seats. "Okay, cool. Want to get a bite to eat then after?"

"Mom working late?"

"Yeap! So I'm bored and alone!"

"Then have no fear, Sakura my dear! Me, you, Hinata and Tenten will go out to an amazing dinner tonight."

Naruto's head popped out from Hinata's side. "Hey can me and Teme join?"

Ino rolled her baby blue eyes, "I guess but only if Hinata agrees!"

I started to giggle, "Everyone knows she won't say no to Naruto."

Ino shrugged, "You never no."

Naruto turned to his girl friend, and giving his best puppy dog eyes asked, "Can I please, please come?"

Hinata blushed, hiding her smile behind her hand she nodded.

"Yay! We get to eat fancy food tonight Teme!" Naruto shouted throwing an arm around Hinata, making her blush even more.

"Hn, shut it dobe you're too loud."

"Stop being such a meanie Sasuke or Sakura will stop talking to you!"

I put my hands up, "I am not getting involved."

Sasuke chuckled, but suddenly stopped and began glaring. I followed his line of vision to see what got his so pissed all of a sudden. Karin was walking down the aisle towards us, in particular him.

Karin was Sasuke's number one fan girl and probably the most annoying girl on the planet. Her bright red hair was gelled out and her clothes were always way too tight. Her 'friends' followed her around, never really doing much without Karin's permission. It was sickening.

"Hey Sasuke! How are you today?" she said, coming up right in front of his desk, which also happened to be next to mine.

"Hn." He turned to look away from her, but she blocked his him and leaned over the desk, obviously trying to show off her cleavage.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner tonight? Daddy bought a new restaurant and I'd love for you to try it out." Sasuke clenched his jaw before responding.

"No."

"But Sasuke-"

"He can't go out, he already has plans with us Karin." She was driving me nuts, normally I don't interfere but today she was giving me a headache. She narrowed her gaze at me.

"Oh really? I'm sure he has time for dinner."

Ino spoke up next, from behind Karin. "His plans are for dinner Karin. So why don't you just go?"

It was obvious Karin was getting agitated by all the put downs.

"I'm sure Sasuke would rather eat with me."

"No Karin I wouldn't." Sasuke spoke up, "so just go sit down."

I smirked in triumph at the quick way Sasuke let her down. Karin clenched her fist, okay she was pissed. I gave her a little wave, signaling for her to go but she wanted to have the last word. And she did.

"Fine, maybe another time Sasuke. But really Sakura should you even be considering dinner when you're looking that fat."


	2. Chapter 2

Hey Everyone ^^ Chapter two is here! I'd like to thank Nyx'sWings and davidpants1650 for commenting on my story! I don't think you realized how much that helped when it came to me finishing this chapter up! Honestly it made my day!

So here it is, what I'd like to say is the last of the gardening chapters. Why do I call them gardening chapters? Because they are the slow start of planting a seed of doubt into Sakura's mind that will lead her to all the problems up a head. Every problem has a start. Not always so dramatic as I made it here, but a start none-the-less.

So read, comment and enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto and there is bad language in the chapter. You have been warned 3

**Chapter 2**

The quiet in the room was deafening, as I slowly let the comment sink in. I couldn't help but reach down and touch my stomach. I didn't think I was fat, that the slight bump over my jeans when I sat down was normal. But looking at Karin and the flatness of her stomach that was obvious with her tight clothes, it gave me doubts.

Suddenly all I could think was, _have I really gotten fat?_

"Shut up Karin, you little-" Ino was cut off from defending me when Kakashi-sensei walked into the room signaling the beginning of class.

Once he began lecturing, Sasuke passed me a note,

U okay? It read.

I wrote back in my loopy hand writing.

Yea, im fine

But at the moment I felt anything but fine.

The lecture continued on without any more disruptions but I couldn't stop the sentence from playing in my head. Never in my life had anyone ever called me fat. Sure, I was a chubby kid but I thought I'd grown out of most it. But fat? It couldn't be true. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, no way was I going to let Karin get to me. Not this time, she's just so insecure about herself that she needed to put me down is all.

The bell rang signaling the end of class, "Remember to read chapter 1o tonight for homework and answer the comprehension questions!" Kakashi called out as everyone began filing through the door.

Ino was the first one next to me, "Hey Sakura, you shouldn't even be thinking about what Karin said. She's too stupid to even consider having a valid opinion." Her eyes were filled with concern when she spoke but for some reason I didn't feel like hearing any of it.

"I know Ino, its fine. I got over it the minute Kakashi started talking anyways." It was a lie, but what's one lie anyways?

"Y-you sure Sakura?" I turned towards Hinata and smiled.

"Yeap, no way would I let her get to me!" The two girls beamed at my response which made me calm down.

"That's the spirit Sakura-chan! Karins got nothing on you anyways!" Naruto said with a wink, joining us as we walked to our next period. I giggled at his comment, and Hinata laughed a bit too. Naruto had been my first best friend, and we'd grown up to considering our selves siblings. I knew he was madly in love with Hinata but would always be there for me when I needed him.

Next class I had with just Hinata and Sasuke. Art and Phycology. It was my favorite period next to Biology.

Naruto gave Hinata a quick kiss before going to Politics with Shikumaru. Who would've thought both boys were natural born leaders.

We took our usual seats at the back of the room and waited for Shizune-sensai to walk in. She was the principals right hand lady but chose to teach too. Apparently she just adored the chance to share her knowledge.

"Hello boys and girls. Today I want everyone to finish up their younger selves project. It's due tomorrow at the beginning of the period. I want you all to remember that you need to include one insecurity you had as a child, something you were proud of and your overall outlook on life. I'm trying to show you the difference in your mind frame, from then to now. Once we finish this we will move on to our present selves."

Everyone in the class got moving, grabbing last minute supplies and doing the finishing touches on everything. The project could've been anything. A collage, a portrait. Anything that expressed you as a kid. I decided to do a chibi version of myself with a huge forehead (my biggest insecurity growing up) and a shining smile. Little Sakura's forehead was tinted blue to show it made her sad and I colored in my apple green eyes to show that they made my happy. The rest of the painting was in balck in white, except for the vision clouds around it that had things like colored cookies, parks and flowers in the background.

Overall I was pretty impressed with my work.

I looked over my shoulder to see Hinata gluing on some flowers to her collage she made. It was sweet looking just like Hinata now. I couldn't imagine what her next collage would be.

Sasukue had taken a different approach, using family photos in his art work. Little Sasuke was really cute and I couldn't help my giggle when I looked at the picture of a 4 year old Sasuke, holding onto his first soccer trophee, smiling as big as he could.

Sasuke noticed my laugh and raised an eyebrow at me, I pointed to the picture my giggles continuing. Rolling his eyes he spoke, "It was my first trophie Sakura, I had every right to be happy."

"I know, but still! You never smile like that anymore." He raised his eyebrows at me.

"I smile sometimes." I'm pretty sure my eyes widened into saucers.

"Um, no you don't, or atleast I've never seen it and I'm your best friend!" I start pouting and Sasuke poked my forehead.

"Maybe you just need to be more aware and you'd see it more often." I glared at him and he starred back. Suddenly, we just locked eyes. My glare disappearing and his eyes softening, ever so slightly, that if I hadn't been so close I wouldn't have noticed it.

_I wonder what he's thinking?_

Just as I was about to ask the bell rang, shaking us both from the moment. I could've killed that bell if I had the chance. Gathering our stuff every began filing out of class. As usual the crowd was thick as we tried to maneuver our way to the lunch room, I was getting pumped and elbowed from all sides. Sauske must have noticed my frustration because he grabbed my elbow and lead me to the cafeteria in a much smoother way. I couldn't stop the blush that lined my cheeks.

We found our group seated at a spot by the windows, our favourite seats. But it wasn't until I sat down that I realized I'd forgotten to pick up a fork on my way in. Sasuke had been a distraction from my need of utensils. What a meanie.

"Be right back guys! Forgot to get a fork." They nodded their heads and Ino reserved a spot for me right next to her.

_Pastas not bad for me right? It's not like I'm eating really junkie food. _I thought to myself, agreeing the yes, I could enjoy my pasta in piece.

But Karin had other plans for me it seems.

"I hope that's a salad your grabbing a fork for Sakura." I heard her voice before I saw her.

"Pasta, actually." I didn't even turn around when I responded. Just grabbed my fork and was about to turn and walk away when I felt a hand grab my arm.

"Ew pasta? Filled with carbs and sugars? You're lucky you can even fit through the doors with a diet like that! You know Sakura, Sasuke is going to need a girl whose in shape and takes care of herself. With the way the media stalks his family, only a model could look good next to a Uchiha." I comment stung, bad and I flinched at the last words.

"Just shut up Karin, you're being ridiculous." I pulled my arm and started to walk away.

"Whatever Sakura. At least I'm happy because I don't look like you."

I kept walking, letting my legs take me as fast as they could to the table. Our table was alive with conversation and I took a calming breath before sitting down. I didn't want anyone reminding me of what just happened. But I guess Ino had other plans.

"What did Karin want over there?" She said, her eyes filling with concern. I flinched back, the wounds still fresh in my mind.

"Nothing, she was just being her normal bitchy self." Ino's eyes widened.

"What did she say?" I shook my head signaling for her to drop it. "Sakura, I'm serious just tell me what she said."

"Ino, I don't want to think about it now okay? Just drop it, we can talk later." I hadn't realized it then but this was the first day I'd ever lied to my friends about my feelings. It wouldn't be the last.

She nodded her head, suspicious but content with my answer so far. I caught Sasuke's eye as I began listening to the conversations going around us. He rose an eye brow at me and I knew he heard what me and Ino had just been talking about. I smiled in reassurance hoping to set his mind at ease, but the look in his eyes told me I'd get a skype call about it later.

Lunch moved on smoothly but I'd completely lost my appetite. No matter what I did I couldn't get Karin's words out of my head. _I'm not even close to what I model looks like. _These thoughts swam through my head till the end of lunch when I ended up throwing out my pasta, only had taken a few bites. Even those bites left me queasy.

The bell rang and the day continued on. Gym, the class the gang has altogether went my smoothly because Might Guy, our regular teacher was away on some 'youthful conference' leaving the sub with nothing to do, so she gave us a free period. I was kind of excited for him to return though.

_Maybe I'll actually start participating more in class, that'll help burn a few extra calories. _

The final bell sounded and Ten-ten was already at my side.

"Ready for an awesome girls day out, filled with the best food our city has to offer?"

"Of course!" I said, smiling and linked my arms through hers.

But on the inside I felt just a bit nervous.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone!**

**Please Read, important for story.**

Sakura in this story is 5ft2" meaning 115 pounds in healthy for her! At her height, she has room to gain 10 pounds and still be healthy. She would just be more curvy, which at this day and age, we can all agree on is beautiful right? I hope you all enjoy this chapter! ^^

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto but I offer Pizza

**Chapter 3**

"So ladies, where to for dinner? I'm feeling Italian, but Greek is good too!" Ino said, as we all got into her red convertible. It was a sweet 16 present from her parents, lucky duck.

"T-there's that new restaurant that opened, Viva la Vie, it has a mix o-of different European food. That way we don't really need to pick one." Hinata said from the back seat, I thought it over.

"That sounds nice! Why not try it out?" There was a hum of agreement, and I sat back in my seat. _Hopefully there's greek salad there. _

Normally when I go out I pick a saucey, delicious dish that leaves my mouth watering the minute it comes through the door. But today, I'm going to be smart and watch myself.

Hinata is quick to text Naruto where we're going and we only end up waiting a couple of minutes for the boys to arrive. Ino acts like we've been waiting an eternity though.

"Serious guys, my grandma drives faster than you!" Shikuarm snorts and rolls his eyes,

"Troublesome woman, we ended up speeding the whole way here." That would be the reason for the scowl on Sasuke's face. Him and Naruto take turns carpooling and today was Naruto's turn. He isn't known for his safe driving. Sometimes it looks like there's a monkey behind the wheel.

We all file into the restaurant, and Tenten asks for our table. The restaurant for gorgeous and I could tell a meal here would wound my wallet a bit. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling and the floor had a bright red carpet. Lovely french music poured over the speakers, and trees with gold leaves were place in every corner. The place screamed vintage glamour, the way the bar looked like a scene from a medieval movie. Wooden barrels held the wine, but the marble bar top added a modern turn.

"Wow this place is amazing." I said aloud and everyone nodded in agreement. A waiter began to lead us to a long table. I took a spot next to Naruto and Sasuke. Ino sitting right across from me next to Shikumaru. Hinata was next to Naruto, Neji and Tenten sat next to Ino.

"Here are your menus, please enjoy the meal." The hostess left us to pick what we wanted. My jaw pretty much dropped to the floor though, when I saw the prices and the food. This place was expensive! And I knew that it was filled with things not deemed good for me.

_But I did miss lunch, I deserve to enjoy myself._ I rolled over that thought. Order water, eat what I want, why not? I looked over the menu and saw a delicious looking Lasagna. I could feel my mouth watering, one little piece wouldn't kill me.

"Hi, I'm Amy, I'll be your server today! What can I start you off with to drink?" I glanced over at pour server and immediately glared. She was batting your eyelashes Sasuke's way. It made me want to puke. Saskue, thankfully didn't even notice her.

"I'll have a coke please." Ino said, drawing her attention away from Sasuke, Tenten piped up, "Me too." And soon every at the table had either order a Coke or in Naruto's chase, Orange Pop.

"Water please." I said, keeping my voice low. Ino looked at me funny.

"You want water?" Amy turned to leave, winking at Sasuke as she went, I sent her my deadliest glare before answering Ino.

"Yeah, I'm not in the mood for anything fizzy today." She raised her eye brow at me but didn't pester. Soon, conversation floated around our table and I found myself laughing till there was tears in my eyes at a story Naruto was telling. Sasuke rolled his eyes, adding small inputs to Naruto's story, like "No, the dog wasn't that big", or "Naruto, you couldn't read the signs right, not me." I'm pretty sure that's the reason I was laughing so hard, because Sauske made the stories funny.

Too soon our drinks had arrived and every one was placing their orders. Mostly steaks for the guys, except for Shikmaru, who found cutting steaks to be too troublesome and decided on chicken fingers, and the girls ordered different pasta dishes. Once again I was the last to go.

"The basic Lasagna please." Amy nodded writing something down in her book. And off she was again, this time only to return to with our food.

"So far, I like this place." Tenten said, smiling as she looked around.

"Same but the prices are killer." I said back, earning a chuckle from Sasuke,

"Want me to pay this time?" He asked me. I shook my head no.

"I have money saved up for it, I'm just surprised when food costs so much." That got a hum of agreement from the group and Ino to go on about another equally fancy restaurant she tried with her mom and their crazy prices. By the time our food arrived I was starving.

"B-bon appetite!" Hinata said in her own adorable way and everyone dig into their food. Conversation still flowed but not as rapidly as before.

_Man, this tastes amazing. _Each bite was like heaven.

"Jeeze Sakura, slow down. You're inhaling that thing." Naruto's voice shook my from my food fantasy. _Inhaling it? _I knew I'd probably been enjoying my meal too much but I didn't think it'd been so noticeable.

"Oops, sorry. I was just really hungry from no lunch today is all." He chuckled before patting my head, letting his joke continue.

"Its fine, little Sakura. I just know in a food eating contest, I'd have my money on you!" I tried to laugh it off with him and join in on the merriment of the joke but, his words stung. Just a bit.

Normally, I would have brushed it off. Let it go and forgotten about. But today, with everything that happened, I couldn't do that.

I started to eat a lot slower. Drinking more water between each bite and participating more in the conversation around me.

_I wonder what Sasuke thought, sitting next to me as I stuffed my face like that. How embarrassing, I probably looked so gross… and fat._

By the time everyone else had finished, there was still a good chunk of lasagna on my plate that I couldn't bring myself to eat. My appetite was lost, again.

I was more than happy when the bills came around, even though I wanted to do nothing more than punch Amy in the face for writing her number on the back of Sasuke's recite. I snuck a glance at her as my friends paid, tall, blonde and _skinny._

_ She probably has a better chance with Sasuke than I do. _

I shook the negative thought away the best I could. Before I can hand her my money, Sasuke's hand cuts infront of mine.

"For both of us," he says smoothly and I get satisfaction from seeing Amy's mouth drop. She starts pouting but takes the money, and out of the corner of my eye I see Sasuke frown. He's never liked unwanted attention from girls and Amy was definitely giving him just that.

I blushed and gave his hand a little squeeze, "Thank you." I whispered and he nodded, a little smile on his face.

"Okay, well it's getting late, I'm taking my ladies home now!" Ino called and Hinata, Ten-ten and I shuffled along after her. I gave Naruto a huge hug good-bye and also received a light hug from Sasuke.

The drive home was filled with idle chit chat and all I wanted to do was get home and finish my homework and sleep. We finally pulled up to my Victorian White home and I sighed in relief.

"See you all tomorrow!"

"Bye lovely!"

"S-see you Sakura!"

"Bye-bye!"

I waved and entered my house. It was dead silent like normal, mom wouldn't be home till really late. I ran up to my room and the first thing I did was turn on my stereo. Cold Play filled the room and felt myself relax. I slowly got into my PJ's all the while dancing around.

I pulled my baggy t-shirt down over my head but something in the mirror caught my eye.

Me.

I lifted up my shirt again to show of my stomach.

To say I was shocked was an understatement.

My stomach actually hung over my tights. There was a bulge! I turned to my side,

_Wow my hips are huge… and my thighs!_

The more I looked, the sicker I felt.

_That's it Sakura, enough is enough! You need to diet! _

I rushed to my bathroom and jumped on my scale. **115 POUNDS! **

I suddenly felt the urge to puke up everything I ate today, but pushed it down. I just needed to diet. Lower food portions, do a lot more exercise. Then I would find my way to 100 pounds!

I did my homework with that in mind. Tomorrow I would fix this mess.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! **

**Chapter 4 is here and I'm so excited for it because now we see Sakura's obsession growing and hitting a place where our worry should settle in. Finally I can see the story progressing :')**

**The comments guys, btw, helped me write every word for this chapter!**

**Bacon of doom: I hope my editing gets better soon for you!**

**UchihaJennifer: Omg, Im so happy you can relate to the story because that's the reason I'm writing it :") your comment made my day so thank you! 3 but please no crying!**

**Anyways disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THIS NARUTO THING xoxoxo**

**Chapter 4**

_October 15__th__ Morning_

_ Weight: 115lbs _

_ Exercise: Sit ups and leg raises (plus Gym Class)_

_ Mood: Excited_

_ Comments: Work hard for that dream body!_

I finished up the entry and closed my note book, last night when I'd been researching dieting plans, they said the best wait to stay on track was to write down your progress. So from now I'd write it all down, every last calorie and bite.

I sighed and began munching on my apple, it was my breakfast of choice for the day. A normal apple was around 85 calories. By walking to school I'd burn it off.

Yes, I researched everything last night.

I had to, I needed to be prepared for today. This dieting thing was just like studying for a test, know my facts and apply them to my life. If I don't, I've failed a question and I, Sakura Haruno am not a failure. I don't think I've ever failed a test before in my life.

I throw out my apple core, and get onto the carpet in the family room. _Okay, starting off the day right! 50 Sit ups and Leg raises! _I got through the exercises slowly, only now realizing just how out of shape I am. I'm gasping for breath by the time I'm done and pretty sure I'll need more perfume to cover up the feint smell of sweat that now lingers over my body.

With my core now in pain, I begin my 20 minute walk to school.

When I finally make it to the school, I finally begin to relax. It's funny but even though my day just started I already feel exhausted. I just want to go back home and sleep the rest of the day.

_Come on Sakura, stop being such a slacker! You gotta keep fighting!"_

With some new found strength from my internal pep talk, I walk up to my group of friends with a small smile plastered on my face.

"Hey forehead! Your late today! What took you so long?" Ino said, swinging her blond locks over her shoulder and places her hands on her hips.

I look down at my phone and realize I am 10 minutes late. _I guess my workout took longer _than_ I thought. _

_ "_Sorry Ino-pig, I just slept in is all! No need to get your panties in a twist." I say back, winking at her. She lets out a huff, but drops the topic.

Relief washes over me. Another lie completely gone unquestioned. This actually isn't very hard at all. I know in the back of mind, that this should be making my sad in away, that I've been getting away with all these lies but right now, I couldn't care less.

The bell rings and I feel Sasuke's presents behind me. I turn and smile, and he lets out a "hn" of recognition. I just shake my head but say nothing. Let him go on being his moody morning self.

On our way to English my stomach lets out a grumble. I freeze for a second and rush forward, hoping none of my friends heard. I rush into Kakashi's classroom and sit down at my seat, getting my lemon water from my bag. A great natural detox the website said. I chug some it down and feel the pain in my stomach lessen. I still have two hours before I'm able to eat my carrots that I packed for the day.

_Sakura you're not hungry, it's all in your head so stop thinking about lunch. _

Before I'm able to dwell anymore, Ino walks in with Sasuke and Hinata. They take their usual seats and Ino turns to me, "We lost you today in the hallways, what happened?"

"Didn't you see? There was a huge mob of students, I had to pick up my pace to avoid them. I thought you guys were matching my pace, but I guess not you slow pokes." I let out a giggle and poke Sasuke in the ribs. He flinches and glares at me. Not many people know he's sensitive in the ribs. Just me and Naruto.

"W-we can't all be as fast as you Sakura." Hinata says with a smile and I stick out my tongue out at her.

"What can I say? I like to live life in the fast lane!" We erupt into giggles. Well, all except Sasuke. He just sits there, shaking his head at our antics.

Twenty minutes later Kakashi-sensei finally shows up and begins the lesson.

The rest of the period and my art class go by quickly. Shizune decides to give us a brainstorming period for our next project, "What we think of ourselves now." So basically, who we are. All-in-all, it'll be simple enough to do.

There's some unrest in my stomach once lunch rolls around and I know it's because my friends will question my lunch. As Sasuke guides me and Hinata through the halls I think about a new lie that'll work with the lowly carrot lunch.

_You got this Sakura, don't let them let you give into any temptations._

The lunch room is filled as usual and I spot Karin's red mope from across the room. She's wearing a crop top and low rise shorts, munching on some celery as she talks with her groupie.

I can't help the envy that bubbles inside me. Her stomach is so flat and her arms so tiny! How does she do it?!

"Woo-hoo! Earth to forehead! Anyone home?" I'm shaken from my thoughts by Ino's hand waving in front of my face.

"Eh? What do you want?" She rolls her eyes and dramatically leans on Shikumaru.

"I just wanted to ask my best friend in the whole wide world how she's doing and that's the response I get?" Ten-ten pokes her on the cheek.

"You said last week I was your best friend in the whole wide world. I can't believe you Ino-pig. Cheating on me like that." Ten-ten fakes hurt and I start laughing.

"What's so funny?" Naurto appears and sits next to Hinata. A bowl a ramen steaming from his hands. I shift so I can see around Sasuke and answer him.

"Ino's just cheating on Ten-ten." Naruto laughs then shrugs.

"Now that's nothing new." Ino begins to pout, and it seems everyone at the table is in good cheer. I'm hoping the conversation will continue, to distract everyone from my lunch, but it seems my luck is running out because everyone begins mowing down on their food. Only light conversation between Hinata and Ino is present.

I pull out my Tupperware filled carrots and begin munching away on my carrots. They don't taste bad and I'm happy that my stomach seems to be loving them.

"Where's your lunch Sakura?" Shit Ten-ten, why do you have to be so observant.

Sasuke glances over at me and his eyes narrow. I can tell already that he doesn't approve.

"I woke up late, so in my rush to get ready I grabbed the wrong tubberware. This one was for my after school snack." I lie smoothly and Ten-ten's eyes fill with sympathy.

"Oh that's too bad! Want to share some of my food?" I look down at the mouth-watering sushi Ten-ten has in front of her.

"Oh no it's okay! I have an amazing lunch waiting for me when I get home!"

"yeah, but that's still 3 hours away. You might as well enjoy something while you wait."

I can feel my resistance slipping. What's one sushi role right?

"Okay, fine. Share one roll with me." She winks at me and passes me a California roll from her bento box.

_Wow Sakura, already failing the first test you fatty. _

I eat the sushi slowly, guilt filling me with every bite. I feel a poke to my side and Sasuke is holding out his bento box to me. Fried rice and chicken, with tomatoes on the side. I shake my head to him. The thought of eating any more unsettling my stomach.

His eyebrows knit together and I know that face. He's worried. I try my best to give him a reassuring smile, then quickly re-enter the conversation around me. The last thing I want is Sasuke knowing about my diet.

_It'd just be another reason to laugh at you. _

The bell rings soon after and I'm happy to get out of lunch and on to my next period.

I break away from everyone and head to biology.

"Hello my youthful students! Sorry about disappearing yesterday but I am back and ready to teach you of the wonderful powers of youth! Today's class will begin with 10 laps around the gym! No, wait! 15 laps around because I know my wonderful students can handle it!" The class lets out a loud groan, except for Lee who jumps up and begins the laps right away. To be honest, I'm excited to burn of the calories today.

I start out slow, running a bit with Ino who's talking about her latest project in her sewing class. But soon enough, I'm speeding up and doing the laps a bit faster.

_That's right Sakura, move it girl!_

By the end of the 15 laps I'm out of breath but really happy. Looking around I realize I'm one of the first ones done and pride fills me. I've never been the athletic type but now that's all about to change.

"When did you start participating in gym class?" Sasuke says, coming to a stop next to me. He looks hot in his black under armour t-shirt and black basket ball shorts.

I shake the thought from my mind and smile cheekily at him.

"Since I decided I wanted to care about my health."

He rolls his eyes but responds, for once, "And since when did that start happening?"

"Since yesterday I guess! Just you wait and see I'm going to be the next super girl!" this learns me chuckle and I elbow him in the ribs. I can see the challenge in his eyes and turn on my feet to get away. But I have no chance, Sasuke swoops me up and throws me over his shoulder.

"Well super girl you've got a long way to go before you get to be like Superman."

I burst out laughing, "No way you're not Superman! I'm stronger than you!"

"Sure you are." And with that I get thrown onto the high jump matt.

"Not fair Sasuke! You have the height advantage!"

"Not my fault you're so short." Touche. Okay, I lose this one. He takes a seat next to me on the matt while we wait for everyone to finish their laps still.

"Want to come by tomorrow for video games and dinner? My mom's been complaining that she hasn't seen you and Naruto in a while." I smile softly. Minato love sit when Naruto and I come by, calling us her rays of sunshine. Ever since we were kids, we made a point of at least coming over twice a month, sometimes even more than that.

"Yeah, I'd love to! Count me in!" He nods his head, but I can see the happy smirk on his face.

"Okay youthful pupels! Today we play basket-ball!" There's another chorus of groans but I ignore them, and get up, excited to do some more movement.

"Did you see how hard it was for Sasuke to pick her up?"

"Oh I know, and how bad that gym outfit looks on her? Some girls just shouldn't wear shorts."

I can hear their voices from behind me, as I walk over to Ino and the gang.

My happy mood slips away and I stare down at myself.

_I can't be wearing tight clothes like this, I'm too fat for it._

Tomorrow I decide I'll bring a sweater and basket-ball shorts.

_I need to cover up._

The thought hurts but I know it's true.


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter is short but I have good reason for it! **

**This week was my birthday week :D which meant I was out with friends every day after work instead of being home writing like I should have been! So for that I'm sorry **

**Thank you to everyone who commented! UchihaJennifer and bacondoom, your comments as always make me smile! And to EverChild96 – I'm not saying being chubby is bad at all! I'm just trying to show awareness to the people who suffer with coming to terms with that concept. It's not always easy to loves ourselves when we constantly compare ourselves to media and eachother. I wanted to write a story people could relate to at their darkest times not their best to be honest. Hope that cleared up any confusion ^^**

**Anyways, enjoy the story :D**

**3**

**Chapter 5**

"Come on Sakura! You're taking forever!"

"Give me one second Naruto!"

"Minato's snacks are going to get cold if you take your time."

"Seriously Naruto I'm going to punch you soon!"

"Oh Sakura, you wouldn't hurt-"

_Bam!_

"O-oh n-no, Naruto-kun!"

"I think you dislocated my shoulder Saks!"

"You're fine!"

I feel an arm on my head and turn around, Sasuke is staring at the weeping Naruto while using me as an arm rest. How unfair.

"Let's go." I start walking with him to the car and can hear Naruto's footsteps running up behind me.

This is how it used to be. Just the three of us. We were a team, and even as we grow older not much changed, except our group growing. When I first started school I got teased a lot, because of how big my forehead was. Naruto also got teased, for his whisker birth marks on his face. In the end we were the two outcasts that needed a friend. One day when I was getting bullied really bad, Naruto came up and defended me. From then on, we kept at each other's side. Sasuke came into the picture the next year. Wanting to avoid his fan girls, he joined our duo making it a trio!

After I met both my boys, my dad died a year later. They were there comfort me and help me get back on my feet. In a sad way, I looked at it as I lost a dad but gained a brother and a lover. From then on, life started getting better and I met Ino. Soon enough I felt like I had the world at my fingertips. Till now I guess.

I sat down in the passenger seat like normal, and Naruto sat at the back. Thank God it was Sasuke's turn to drive, Naruto's driving always makes my life flash before my eyes.

The ride was filled with conversation and one worded answers from Sasuke. I was excited to see Itachi today, who apparently didn't have class at the university till tomorrow. We got along great much to Sasuke annoyance and after years of coming over I started to consider him as the big brother I never had.

"Mom, I'm home. Sakura and Naruto are with me!"

"Welcome home my babies!" Mikoto says rushing down the hallway, coming from what I presumed was the kitchen. She gave Sasuke a quick kiss on the cheek before sweeping both me and Naruto into her arms. They felt like home to me and I hugged her back, missing the comfort her embrace could give.

I didn't realize just how much stress this week has been giving me until now, when I'm finally being comforted. Even if only for a short time.

"I have some yummy snacks prepared for you guys and got Itachi to clear out the basement for your little gaming adventure day! It's so nice to have the house filled again!" Minato gushed and I couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Thank you for having us Mikoto!" Naruto said in his usual enthusiastic way and I nodded my head in agreement.

"Yes, it feels good to come home for a bit." Mikoto's eyes had tears when I said that, and she nodded her head.

"It does, doesn't it? Now come on, let's go eat!" My stomach churned uncomfortably. I already cheated with sushi, I didn't want to cheat again.

We followed her into the kitchen and took a seat at the island, while Minato, thankfully brought out a fruit tray with yogurt dipping sauce and peanut butter crackers. I grabbed a little plate and took a few grapes and a couple strawberries while Naruto and Sasuke took all the peanut butter crackers and watermelon. We munched away till the fruit tray was gone. I was careful to keep conversation with Mikoto to make sure no one noticed how little I took and that I didn't go for seconds. I don't think anyone noticed.

Relief flooded my senses when we finally got to go downstairs to game.

Itachi was down their waiting for us.

"Hey guys, how was school?" He said from the couch, as he flipped a page in his book.

"It was alright." I responded, coming to sit next to him. I leaned against him and began reading the novel as well. Or should I say text book. It was all about business strategies. Boring!

"Long day?" I just nodded my head and snuggled up to him while Naruto and Sasuke set up the game. They would game all day and I'd do homework, sometimes join and overall be a distraction. When Itachi was around he'd keep me company and talk to me when the boys got to absorbed in their game to notice me.

I noticed Sasuke staring from the corner of my eye but let it go. If he was jealous, good. Maybe it would help him finally make a move on me. Not that it would ever happen, but a girl could dream. I closed my eyes and Itachi shifted so I could be more comfortable. Before I knew it, my exhaustion took over and I began to sleep.

000000000000000000000000000

"Saks, it's time for dinner you've got to get up." I hand moved to push the hair out of my face. Only Naruto would be so brave to do that.

"So soon?" I said opening an eye up and peeking up at him. His blue eyes shined with excitement.

"Yeap, Sasuke and Itachi already went up to set the table. We decided to let you sleep a few more minutes."

"My goodness, how long was I out?"

"About two hours. I'm just surprised you didn't wake up when we started gaming or Itachi moved you. You okay Sakura?"

I suddenly had the urge to spill my guts to Naruto and tell him everything, but I knew it wouldn't go over so well. His blue eyes screamed trust and acceptance at me. But still, I'm nervous to see what his reaction would be.

_You're doing this for your own good Sakura. Don't let him change your mind._

And with that thought in mind, I kept my lips sealed.

"I'm good Naruto as always, now let's go to dinner!" I patted his head and he helped my off the couch. I felt I bit dizzy but I ignored it and let Naruto lead me to the dining room table.

When I got there my mouth dropped.

Mikoto had gone all out. There was ramen and sushi and chicken and beef. There was fried rice and plain rice with curry sauce too. She also make three salads and a platter of different breads.

"Since we haven't all had dinner in a while I thought we could make it grand." Mikoto said beaming at us. I smiled back and took a seat between Naruto and Sasuke.

"It all looks delicious!" I said and we all waited patiently for Sasuke's dad and Itachi to sit down at the table before digging in.

Dinners at Sasuke's were normally pretty quiet till the middle when everyone was mostly full. Sasuke's dad wasn't a talker when he was hungry and from the way his was still wearing his suit, he must've just got back from work.

I stuck to garden salad and had a small piece of chicken, even though the pain in my stomach was asking for more.

_Ignore it, you need to do this Sakura. _

Finally, Itachi began conversing with his dad about his day and Minato joined in.

Sasuke's dad was a strict looking man who had a kind heart. I loved the fact that me and Naruto were the only ones outside the family who got to see it.

With the conversation flowing I could avoid over eating, sipping more water and nibbling at my food , pretending to be too distracted by what everyone was saying to eat.

"Sakura, dear, you've hardly touch your chicken, you need to eat love." Mikoto said with concern and Fugaku turned to me with concern in his eyes.

"Sorry guess I'm not really hungry, though everything I've tasted has been amazing." The compliment got her off my back but I didn't like the way Itachi stared at me. For some reason his gaze made me feel like he knew what I was up too.

Dinner went by with no more comments about how much I was eating, which made me happy. After two more hours of gaming, this time I joined, me and Naruto bid our farewells to the family and Sasuke drove us home.

I felt bloated and sick.

The food sat like rocks in my stomach and it was hard to even appreciate Sasuke's hug because I was so nervous about him feeling my fat.

_ One day when you hug him, this won't be a worry. I just need to work harder._

That night after doing my homework, I got on the floor and did 50 sit ups.

I refused to look at myself in the bathroom mirror afraid of what I'd see.

I pulled all my baggy sweaters from the back of my closet and put them in front.

From now on, I'd fight for change.


	6. Chapter 6

**Omg I'm back in school… does anyone else feel like summer just flies by?**

**I hope someone can agree, it wasn't long enough. But to be honest with everyone, I adore school. 100% nerd over here! Studying is a hobbie… I did it over my break XD**

**Anyways, this chapter has trigger warnings. It's probably going to be the most hard hitting chapter to most of us but it gets worse before it gets better, Luckily there is SasukexSakura moments in the next chapter (wich is already halfway done!) This chapter is a view on Sakura's problem life and just how big she's letting the issue get. People are starting to notice, but with most mental illness' related to weight, people don't notice soon enough.**

**Read and enjoy.**

**Thanks to : KahliaxBeloved and UchihaJennifer for the comments! And to anyone whose favourite and followed my story! You got me to write this chapter 3**

**Xoxo, stay healthy loves. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I do own these entries. **

**Chapter 6**

_October 18__th __Evening_

_Weight: 112lbs_

_Exercise: 100 sit ups, 50 jumping jacks, 30 minute jog. _

_Mood: Distressed_

_Comments: Avoided cheating with Ino yesterday at Café, only had tea no sugar. Felt awful about eating those carrots for dinner, should've stopped at lunch. _

_Calories: 500 in total_

_October 20__th__ Evening_

_Weight: 112lbs_

_Exercise: 115 sit ups, 1hour jog, 50 squats._

_Mood: Anxious_

_Comments: Ino said something about the fact I don't go out to eat with her anymore. It's only been 5 days since I've started and I don't want to ruin this diet plan now. I hope she isn't catching on. Sasuke looked at my strangely also during lunch and asked why I was only eating blueberries._

_Calories: 350 in total._

_October 23__rd __Evening_

_Weight: 109lbs _

_Exercise: 3 hour job _

_Mood: Tired_

_Comments: my jog officially got rid of all the calories I consumed today! Yay! No worries about gaining anything today! I had to use a belt today to keep my pants up, it's such an amazing feeling. I know soon I'll be small enough to wear my yoga pants again. I can't wait for that day._

_Total Calories: 300 in total._

_October 29__th__ morning_

_Weight 109lbs_

_Exercise: 100 situps, 30 minute job_

_Mood: relaxed_

_Comments: another day ahead of me! Let's do this!_

_Breakfast: tea = 5 calories!_

I smiled and put the small black book away. It's been almost 15 days now and I can feel the changes in my body. I know I've lost all my water weight, and I can't help but sigh in relief every time the scale goes down. My goal is 100 pounds, but honestly if I can keep up this diet longer I will. I slip on my red lifeguard sweater and boot cut jeans. Luckily the weather has been slowly going down, meaning no one questions my choice in fashion these days. Well Ino complained how boring I look but with a quick smile and joke, I was able to distract her from the thought, saying I was cold.

To be honest, it hasn't been easy keeping every thing from my friends. I had to explain my new love of Jello (sugarless) and why I mostly eat at home now, or can't go out to eat most nights. The excuses have been piling up, but thankfully so has school work and I've been blaming all my absences on the senior stress and my mom taking extra work shifts. She's been easier to hide this from, since she's hardly home for dinner. I've started using the food in the fridge for treats for my friends so she still thinks I'm eating.

And it's not like I'm not eating, I'm just not hungry anymore. Food makes my stomach toss and turn and want to throw up. I couldn't hold anything down even if I wanted to.

Which I don't.

_That's right, skinny girls don't need to over eat! Heck they don't even eat most of the time!_

I grab my school work and bag and begin my usual lovely walk to school. The area is peaceful as I walk and I hum along to a song playing from my IPod as I start chewing on some gum.

For some reason my breath hasn't smelt as good no matter how many times I brush and floss my teeth. I blame it on not enough water. Ahh water, the best thing when on a diet. Fills you right up for 0 calories.

I reach the school in record time, but I'm exhausted by the time I reach it. I've noticed that I'm not as energetic as I used to be, things make me winded a lot quicker than they used to.

"Hey Sakura!" I smile and wave to Ten-ten as I come up to the group.

"Hey Tenny what's up? Where's Ino?" I look around and much to my surprise, the blonde is no where to be seen.

"She's having a chat with Keno. Seems like the fling they've been having is finally about to end." Last weekend Ino met Kenno at one of the soccer parties. It was the annual season starter that was always held at Naruto's house. They made out a bit, exchanged numbers and Ino kept saying what a good feeling she had about him, but last night she called me freaking out the she thought she'd seen him at the ice-cream parlour with another girl. She gained the resolve to confront him about it today.

"To bad, he seemed like a keeper."

"No way, that dude has an awful record." I turned to smirk at Shikumaru.

"Then why didn't you tell her that sooner?" He sighed, and shook his head.

"I tried to but that woman is so troublesome. Wouldn't stop going on about him and I never got the words in. it's hard to burst her bubble when she acts like that." I smiled sadly at that. Shikumaru cared about Ino so much, he lets her vent about other guys, when he is so hopeless about her. I wrap an arm around him.

"She'll be fine, she always bounces back."

"T-that's right! Ino is t-tough!" He shrugs but doesn't say anything else. I figure it's because he finds the whole thing to troublesome but I catch him looking at my first. In a flash he has it in his hands and turned over. At first I'm confused but then I understand his stare.

My veins are popping out more than normal.

I snatch my hand away and breeze on a while.

"I rushed a bit to get here, but because of the exercise getting my blood pumping, they began to stick out. Looks weird, eh?" We stare each other down for a bit, Shikumaru looks skeptic but thank heavens he drops it.

With good timing to because Sasuke and Naruto both walk up to us. Neji strays behind but as usual lands at Ten-tens side.

"Sakura! Let's game again today? You haven't come by in a whole 2 weeks! We miss you!" I roll my eyes but I know it has been a while.

"Uhm, today I told Ino I would go shopping after school but I promise tomorrow after school we can game? And it's not my fault the one time you ask me is before a big math test!"

He sticks out his tongue at me in good nature and I can't help but let out a laugh. Even Sasuke is smirking at our antics. The good vibe is ruined when a tear stained Ino comes up to the group. I swear it was so quiet I could hear a pin drop.

In a second, all the girls are surrounding her. I link onto her arm and Ten-ten links onto the other. Hinata grabs her purse and faces her, automatically asking what happened. The guys sense that they aren't needed and drift into their own conversation but I can still see Shikumaru's face, and it's filled with concern.

"He's such a dick! He called me slut! Even though he was the one who hooked up with three girls at that party! He even said I didn't have the right to call him out on hanging with another girl while I was talking to him considering my record."

"What a fucking jerk." The words leave my mouth before I can stop them and Hinata nods her head.

"He isn't worth y-your time Ino. Sakura is right, and you don't need bad people like that in your life."

"I know I don't… but words hurt you know?"

Oh Ino, you have no idea.

In the end we're able to get Ino calm enough to get to English class with zero more breakdowns. I was even able to get her to crack another smile.

I take a seat next to Sasuke, and let Ino chatter about her favourite thing, shopping.

"And then we can go to that new boutique and there's a sale on at that skater store you used to like if you want to go there too!" I smile at her brightened attitude.

"Whatever makes you happy Ino." Her smile is back full throttle and I can't help but admire her for a second. She doesn't let words hurt her like I do.

_But you are fat, that's the difference. Ino isn't a slut and she's gorgeous!_

The truth hurts but I need to accept it.

Once the bell rings, I'm excited to finally get into art. This project has been one of the hardest yet. Who am I now? Fat, ugly, humiliating but smart.

In the end I decided to focus on that, how I've matured and see things clearer. My project is made up a broken mirror pieces. On each piece of glass I've placed a fact about myself now and the pieces have been tinted to come together and look like my face in a way. The whole idea is very cool but it's a long and slow process. Thankfully, it kept me distracted and away from unwanted questions from my two best friends.

By the time lunch rolled around, I felt like I ran a marathon. I just wanted to sit and chat with all my friends. As usual Sasuke led Hinata and I through the hallways. This time felt different though, I kept having little black dots cover my vision.

"Sakura, are you okay?" Hinata grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks. People rushed around us and I found it hard to focus on just her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I need to sit down and drink some water." She nodded her head and turned to Sasuke.

"C-can you help me with S-sakura?" Both of them were flanking me before I could protest and as Hinata grabbed my arm, Sasuke wrapped his arm around my waist. I would've been blushing really hard at the moment if I could even focus on what was going on around me. I knew we got to the cafeteria by the smell of everything. Pizza and fries filled my nostrils and I wanted to throw up. The idea of that fatty grease being consumed left me feeling even sicker.

Sasuke helped me into my seat and Hinata grabbed me my water. In no time I felt I had too many eyes on me.

"Saks what happened?"

"Forehead you okay?"

"You look so pale! Everything alright?"

Only Shikumaru didn't speak up and for some reason his silence is what bothers me the most.

_He knows._

I shook the thought away and started gulping down my water. I dont't feel a whole lot better but the black dots have disappeared.

"Guys, give me some space okay? I'm fine, just dizzy and a little nauseous."

"Did you miss breakfast or something?" Ten-ten asked me.

My lie came out as easy as it was to breath. "Nope, I had some tea and some toast. I think I just don't have enough sugar in me." She nodded and took the seat across from me. Ino in all her concern, kicked Sasuke out from his usual seat next to me and pulled out a chocolate bar from her bag.

"I was saving this as a treat for us for later but you look like you could really use it now."

It was on Oh Henry Bar. My favourite chocolate bar before all this happened.

_You eat that and you'll bloat like a whale. Pull out your blueberries and say the chocolate will make you even sicker._

"I don't think I can even stomach that Ino right now. Let's try again later okay? Right now I think I'll just munch on some fruit to get my strength up instead of trying to hold down something like that." She nodded but looked a little skeptic. It was Hinata in the end who made me leave the table.

"Sakura is that really all you're going to have? I feel like all you do these days is munch on small foods." Hinata's concern was evident but it scared me. Because at that moment I saw three lights click, in Sasuke's, Ino's and Shikumaru's minds.

"Trust me, Hinata. I'm fine. Just, these days I haven't been feeling as well. And my mom has been making these awesome breakfasts' to make up for not being home for dinner." She nodded and I took it as my time to leave. "My head isn't feeling all that better though guys, I'm going to go lay down at the nurses office. See you all last period!"

"Want me to go with you?" Ino asked but I shook my head. Standing up to grab my bag I saw Sasuke's eyes follow me. I couldn't pinpoint the look he had on his face.

"No thanks!"

"You sure?" She was already starting to stand up. Can't she just leave me alone?

"Ino I'm not three years old. I can walk to the nurses office by myself!"

The table went dead silent. I hadn't meant to raise my voice near the end, but Ino was seriously pushing a button. "I'll see you later, now bye." And with that I turned and walked away from my group.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"Shizune-sensei, what time is it?"

"1:30 Sakura. I decided to let you sleep through forth and some of fifth period."

I rubbed my eyes to try and get some sleep out of them. In the end, I just decided a nap in the nurses office would be the best way to go instead of taking some Pepto for my stomach pains. Shizune was quick to agree because she's noticed how groggy I've seemed in class these days. I stretched out my muscles, instantly feeling better.

"Thanks for letting me sleep Sensei! I feel a hundred times better now!" I gave her my best smile and she beamed back.

"I'm so glad to hear that Sakura! Please just remember to get some rest!"

"I will!" I called out, grabbing my bag and heading out the door.

I don't see a point in going back to gym class, so I might as well go home. Going to my locker, I sent a quick text to Ino saying I'd see her later if she still wanted to go shopping and started on my way home.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%5

It was 6:30 and still no texts from Ino. Now that I'd gotten some rest and some lemon water in me, I felt a lot better. Sadly feeling better helps you think a clearer.

And I knew I had been a bitch to Ino.

"Well might as well walk over to her."

As so my journey began. Ino lived 15 minutes away from the school in the opposite direction that I lived in. and that was by car. Walking there normally took me around 45 minutes on a good day. That's why when Ino got her car, we all celebrated. No more long walks just to hang out. All four of us could see each other as much as we wanted.

I passed by the busy towns people and couldn't help but smile. Which was something rare for me these days. I hadn't had the chance to walk in leisure for a while and this felt great. I was almost disappointed when I got to Ino's house but knew this had to be done. I needed to say sorry. By passing the gated entrance that was as normal, open, I knocked on the large oak door.

Did I mention Ino's family was rich?

I lived in what I liked to call the miny princess castle?

"Hey who is it?" Ino's voice called form the other side of the door.

"Sakura! Please open up I want to talk!" There was a pause and I held my breath. Please Ino, just let me talk. The door opened just a crack and I knew I had less than a minute to explain myself.

"I'm so so so sorry for snapping at you today! I didn't get much sleep last night and haven't been feeling my best these past few day. I took that all out on you, so I'm sorry for being a bad best friend. You deserve so much better but if you could find it in your heart to forgive, I'll make it up to you. I promise!" I gasped for air, waiting in silence for her response.

"Did you walk all the way here?"

I nodded.

"Oh Sakura!" In the blink of an eye I was engulfed in an Ino hug, larger than any other I've felt before. "It's okay I forgive, I've just been so worried!"

"Why have you been worried silly?" I smiled as I hugged her back.

"It's not just me Sakura. Sasuke and Naruto are too! You're hardly around anymore. You seem so spaced out when you hang out with us, or you're the complete opposite and do anything to avoid silence. You never eat anymore in front of us and today Sasuke swore you looked about to feint."

_Give her your best broad way performance Sakura._

"Ino, I've just been stressed out these days is all! I promise I'm okay! I just eat more in the mornings and I don't think my body is used to it yet. Mom's under a lot of pressure and it's wearing out onto me too. I'm so sorry you've all been so worried."

She pulled away from our hug and looked me in the eyes. "You sure it's just stress?"

"I promise."

_Stress about how fat I am._

That night I had a bowl of ice-cream and watched reruns of America's Top model with Ino.

That night I went home and for the first time since I started dieting, I made myself throw up in the toilet.


	7. Chapter 7

**Trigger warning. I don't own Naruto. **

**Authors note at the bottom today.**

**Chapter 7**

To say I was nervous about today was an understatement. I know I promised Naruto I'd come over to Sasuke's today but I wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl under my sheets.

To keep suspicion's down, I brought a full salad to school. Ino was ecstatic and rambled on about how much fun our girl's day had been to everyone. Sasuke seemed please when Ino said we ate a tub of ice cream and Shikumaru, though suspicious didn't intervene.

What they didn't know was the salad ended up in the toilet right before gym.

I hated every bite I took, and I planned on that being my last meal today, no matter was Sasuke's mom makes for dinner. I felt gross and full and bloated and that everything was wrong. Those bites shouldn't have entered my mouth. But I knew people were catching on and I needed to play it safe.

"Sakura, you're being really quiet today. Everything alright?" I nodded my head and turned to look at Naruto who was in the back seat as we drove to Sasuke's house.

"Yeah, I'm fine, tired is all. Ino wore me out yesterday. That girl can talk a mile a minute, I swear."

"I couldn't agree more! But it was nice of you to go see her! She's really been missing you Saks. We've all been." His words were a stab to my chest but I ignored it.

_This is for my own good guys._

I put on my best puppy dog face and began, "I guess I've just been so busy lately, I haven't even noticed how little my time with you guys have been. I'm sorry." I let my eyes grow in size and Naruto automatically caved in.

"Oh Sakura! It's fine, don't worry about it at all! I'm just happy you can be with me and Teme today!"

"I'd be happy if you quieted down." Sasuke spoke up, glaring at Naruto from the review mirror.

"Oi, shut up teme! I wasn't talking to you!"

"Sounded like you wanted to talk to the whole city, dobe."

"Why don't you get the stick out of your ass and lighten up!"

I try muffling my giggles but it's too late. Before long I'm full blown laughing at their antics. We show up at Sasuke's house and Naruto's grinning from ear to ear and Sasuke's smirking. Without thinking I jump onto both of them, giving the tightest hug I can muster. I hear Naruto gasp and I get nervous.

_I'm too big to be jumping on people like this._

"Sakura… your lighter than a feather." I turn to Naruto and role my eyes.

"Yeah right! I wish!" I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth.

Sasuke's eyes narrow at me, "Sakura, you're fine the way you are." His words don't bring me any comfort though.

_He's lying._

I shrug and turn to walk into the house. I hear them start to follow me but I can't hear their conversation.

I just want to get through the day, play some video games then go home for my run. Why can't everyone leave me be for a bit?

Mikoto opens the door before Sasuke can and her arms are instantly around us.

"My babies, how I've missed you! Come in, the snacks are ready on the table and Itachi said he'd leave the gaming room once you've all arrived."

"Thanks Mikoto!" I pipe up, smiling. She returns my smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes. I can see her instantly scanning my frame and I wrap my arms around myself.

"Sakura, the heater is on, you don't need such a baggy sweater."

_But it hides the fat._

"I'm alright but thank you! I got a bit of a chill from the outside." She nods like she understands but for once I don't believe it.

I have a sinking feeling in my stomach like today was very well planned out.

_But I ate with Ino yesterday!_ _Why are they acting strange!_

My nervousness bubbles up, and I'm lead the kitchen. I feel Naruto's hands on my back, trying to guide me. At the kitchen table is all my favourites. Sushi rolls and chocolate covered rice balls. Fresh fruit with a yogurt dipping sauce. It's all there.

I smile at Mikoto, "It looks lovely! Can't wait to dig in!" I can throw it all up later.

I grab a plate and get a piece of sushi, a rice ball and a few strawberries with a tiny bit of dip and sit down. I can see them all eyeing me from the corner of my eye but I don't care. I can pretend for today that food is okay. Then let it leave later. I start with the strawberries as everyone else begins eating. I nibble when they aren't staring and take better bites when they are looking. My stomach gurgles and I know it's upset with me. Lunch and dinner today is such a big no. a crack in my flawless weight loss plan.

_This is the last day this is okay. Don't you dare keep this in your stomach._

We eat in relative silence. I reach for watermelon and I see Mikoto beam. Sasuke must've said something, now he just looks like a big liar.

Once the boy's finish up, we head downstairs. In the end, Mikoto was right and I'm sweating. I think about the loose fitting t-shirt I have underneath and deem it okay to take off my sweater. But first, bathroom.

"Give me a second guys, need to pee!" I hear Naruto's chuckle before I disappear around the corner to the bathroom. I close the door and turn on the fan, going straight towards the toilet seat. At home I use a toothbrush but here I'll have to use my hands.

I sink to my knees, like I did before. Taking a deep breath, I stare into the water and shove a finger down my throat. The acid builds up and I can feel the pressure pull my food up. I breath out forcefully and choke up my food.

I keep going at it till the red from the strawberries appears in the toilet. I'm dry heaving after a while, gasping for air.

_One more for good luck._

I stick my hands behind my throat but nothing comes out. I groan in frustration. I guess there's nothing left. Sliding down the edge of the bath tub next to me, I rest my head in my hands. I feel so gross after doing this. This a fat blob who can't control themselves around food. Like I'm a servant to the fuckin toilet.

_No more food Sakura. This throwing up thing isn't working._

It's like I can still feel the food in my stomach.

I lean over and rest my head on the cool tile floor, looking up at the light in the bathroom. Suddenly, I feel at peace. Just laying there, the calm blue of the walls making me feel relaxed. I can almost imagine that I didn't just throw up, that I hadn't let Karin's words get to me. I can almost imagine that I'm worth it, not worthless.

It's sad isn't it? Not feeling good in your own skin. Feeling scared about whose watching you, that every bite is a death to your ideals. I'm a slave to myself.

_But it's worth it Sakura, you're look like a model after. You'll have the life you dreamed of. _

"Sakura, you okay in there? The boys said you've been in there for a while."

Itachi's voice shook me from my thoughts and I pick myself off the floor. For a moment I can't answer, frozen in the idea, if he opens the door, he'll see me and fix this. He can fix me. But something in my stomach rolls and I respond.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a second!" I don't hear his feet shuffle away, so I flush the toilet and go to rinse out my mouth. Got to get rid of the evidence while I still can. Grabbing a mint from my sweater pocket I pop it into my mouth and open the door. I didn't except to ram into Itachi's chest.

"Sakura, what were you doing in there?"

"Nothing." I say, trying to smile. His frown deepens and he grabs my wrist before I can move out of the way. Quickly he pulls up my sweater, and leaves my wrist exposed.

By his intake of breath I know he's shocked at what he sees.

My veins are popping out in the worst of ways today, trailing up my pale skin that looks like it hasn't seen sun in years. My wrist bone is popping out at a weird angle that I know would disappear if I lost that extra pound.

"Oh Sakura…" Itachi's eyes darken with something I can't put my finger on. Steadily he begins to lift up my sweater but I use my other hand to slap his away.

"No! You've seen enough already Itachi, just let me go back to my boys." I don't mean to sound harsh but I'm angry at him because I can tell he knows.

And I'm pissed at Sauske too. Because of him everyone knows that there's something up. The will for people to find out is gone and I'm on the defensive now.

"Tell me what you were doing in the bathroom and I'll let you go."

"NO!" I shout in his face and try to push past him. He bends down though, flipping me over his shoulder.

I'm punching and clawing at his back. Angry and mad and sad all at once.

"Put me down right now! I said put me down Itachi!" I hear him grunt at a particularly hard punch to the back. I'm satisfied from the sound, but can't stop the tears that have begun leaking down my face. His grip on me just tightens as I'm thrown onto the couch. I scramble away, curling up into the corner away from him. I have not failed to notice that Naruto and Sasuke are cornering me, blocking my exits. Naruto is the first to come forward, leaning down so he's at my height.

"Sakura, we're worried about you. You hardly eat anymore and your weightless now and days to the point it's scary. Shikumaru noticed you disappeared after lunch and Hinata followed you into the bathroom. She heard you Sakura. We know what's going on."

I'm starting to shake, my whole body trembling.

"Saks, please would you just take off the sweater. We need to see how bad it is."

"No." I whisper out. Turning away from him. I can hear him sigh and Sasuke begins to walk over to me.

"Please Sakura. We promise what ever we see won't change that your our best friend okay?" His voice is soothing and calm but I can't stop the tears and I'm scared, so scared.

"No, please you can't see." I whisper, looking at him fully. He sighs and comes down to Naruto's level.

"Why can't I see Sakura?" The words are out before I can think.

"I'm too disgusting to look at." In that moment I think I saw my whole world break. Naruto looked close to tears and Sasuke had to close his eyes for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose like he didn't want to think about what they just heard.

I start to struggle, wanting to leave, have breathing room. Suddenly I feel to boxed.

"Please, let me go home." I'm fighting now, Naruto's holding me down and Sasuke's talking to Itachi. He leaves and Sasuke comes to help Naruto.

"I WANT TO GO HOME." I'm shouting now, scratching and clawing. This isn't bad. I'm not bad. I'm working out my problems, I'm fixing myself. I don't want them and I don't want their help. Not now not ever.

"Sakura! Can't you see that you're killing yourself! Listen to us, you need our help." Naruto's pleading but I can't understand him. I can only feel the pain. The fear. It's consuming me and I just want to get away.

I gasp as I feel Sasuke's arms encircling my waist.

He's hugging me.

Why is he hugging me?

"Sakura please. Calm down and listen to me, listen to us." My breathing is coming out heavy and my tears start rolling down my face.

"I can't, I won't. I'm not okay, this is not okay." I repeat that and Sasuke holds me tighter. My words fade and the only sound is my own hiccupping.

I try to force my breathing back to normal, to stop the pain. This never ending pain.

This pain I created.

I feel Sasuke's embrace loosen and my sweater is being pulled over my head. I start hyperventilating but I have no energy to stop them. I hear them both gasp and can see Naruto's watery eyes. He gets up, shaking his head, mummuring to himself, "I should've seen it, should've known."

_But Naruto, you never notice anything. You never see our pain. _

_ "_Sakura, do you not see this? See what you've done to yourself?" I'm tired but I manage to shake my head.

Sasuke's picking me up bridal style and sets me down a short distance away.

He's placed my in front of the mirror

He turns me to face it dead on.

All I see is hallow eyes staring back at me. Sunken in cheek bones, skinny arms.

I don't see beauty.

I see a monster.

I lift up my shirt gingerly, knowing I'm not prepared for what I'm going to see.

A sunken in stomach, all my ribs lined up for the world to see.

Skin, stretched out skin.

No super model curves, or glowing skin.

I see a monster.

Oh when did I stop seeing me?

When did the girl in the mirror become someone I didn't know?

When did I let myself lose control?

Whose that girl staring back at me?

**I cried as I wrote this chapter. That's why it's so short. It just became too much at one point. I struggled hard with this one. Rewrote it a couple of times and sobbed a lot more than I wrote. But here it is. I didn't want them to help Sakura just yet. But for some reason I felt that someone would've had to notice. Sakura's too loved to not be noticed.**

** She's not a wallflower, like I was. **

**I said last chapter that it had been the most difficult to write, but I lied. This one hit home in a way I could never realize. But I'm proud that I'm done. **

**I'd like to thank everyone for reading, the feedback this time is very important. No the story isn't done. I can't tell you where it'll go back there's many things I need to touch on now. To be honest, this story gained wings and flew away from me. **

**I love you and I appreciate you joining me on this journey 3 **

**Yours truly,**

** Jessi Moon.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

To say the night after my showing, or even the next month to come was painful and hard would be an understatement. I couldn't handle what I'd done to myself, and the pain I caused the two people closest to me. Naruto had to leave for a while, not daring to come back into the room till I'd been bundled up again. His eyes were bloodshot from the crying, but I only saw the brim of those sky blue eyes.

I refused to meet his eyes.

I was embarrassed and sad and nervous. Because now my secret was out, and I had no idea what to make of it. Itachi ended up telling his mom, who in turn called my mom, who rushed from work to get me. Sasuke stayed by my side the whole time, never leaving once and Itachi became the stabilization both our moms needed. To say my mom had been a mess that night would've been an understatement.

At first there was anger,

"Sakura Haruno have I not taught you better than this!"

Then there was guilt,

"I'm sorry I wasn't home more often, this is my fault!"

And lastly there was sadness,

"Baby, please, come here." To which my mother hugged me and cried into my shoulder.

I didn't cry that much, something that I can say I was proud of that night. I'd wasted many tears on my body already, I didn't want to keep crying over it. This issue was mine alone, I planned on facing it. But truthfully, the tears and freaking out with Sasuke and Naruto had left me exhausted and all I wanted to do was go to bed. My mom had other ideas though,

"Please sweetie, just one bowl of cereal and then you can go to bed okay? Let me put something in your stomach." For some reason, as much as I wanted to eat the bowl of cereal and get this whole ordeal over with, I couldn't. The words rang clearly in my head, _Fat, chubby, gross._

In the end we agreed on a glass of milk, that left my stomach churning all night. I wanted to puke, I really did, but I remembered the sad look on Sasuke's face and Naruto's tears and held it all down.

I didn't go to school the next day either. How could anyone really accept me to though? That night was filled with more stress then ,my whole teenage life had been. When Sasuke came to visit me after school, he explained how he and Naruto told our closest friends what they'd witnessed. Ten-ten was speechless, Hinata in tears and Ino apparently ran off. They later found her in Shikumaru's lap crying.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about this but I'm hoping that gave them a push in the right direction. If anyone deserves to be happy it's them.

Sasuke then stayed the rest of the day at my place, making me a dinner which I did my best to eat, but could only nibble at and sat to chat with me. Once again I resisted that urge to purge.

We (well I guess I should say I) did a lot of talking. I confessed about how I let Karin's words get to me and that were this whole dieting issue began.

"I'm sorry Sakura." If I hadn't been so quiet at the time I wouldn't have heard him speaking.

"For what Sasuke? None of this is your fault." I put my hand on his, a very bold action if you ask me, and smiled. "I did all of this on my own and have no one to blame but myself."

He shook his head, his dark eyes meeting my green ones, "I should've looked at you that day and called you beautiful, because that's exactly what I'd been thinking every time Karin said something. I thought your were strong enough to ignore her comments and for that I am sorry."

I tried focusing on the apology but all I remembered was _should've looked at you that day and called you beautiful_.

"You think I-I'm beautiful?" I could barely get the words out.

I didn't get a response that time, but instead, a kiss. It was short, sweet and left my heart soaring. I'd never forget that feeling, because at that time, that kiss gave me hope. Hope that I was truly beautiful and that I didn't need all this suffering to be beautiful.

Being called beautiful by someone you admire opens your mind. In the end, I realized it's because during this journey, I hadn't heard any compliments from my friends. Usually I'd get ones about my hair, eyes or smile but since I was so reserved, they had nothing to say. I wasn't around and tended to avoid any, if not all conversation about me.

I closed a door in all their faces.

I can't blame my friends for not building up my self-esteem when I didn't give them the chance to care. I avoided them and clung to my diet like a life line, not actually facing life.

I got plenty of compliments after though, ones that sounded funny to ears but made me really smile.

"Sakura, the colour is back in your cheeks!"

"Saki, you look my lively, its beautiful!"

"Your s-sparkle is back Sakura!"

These compliments helped me out so much.

So here I am, one month later, focusing on getting one full meal in me a day, going on dates with Sasuke and trying to understand who I am.

I still don't look in mirrors surprisingly, other than the small makeup one I have in my room. I don't want to look in a mirror again till I feel like I'm me again. I want that monster that I let consume me to disappear.

But maybe in the end it won't.

My therapist says that the eating disorder I had (or have I guess depending on the way you look at it) will always be a part of me, and I have to learn to respect that. That the monster I created, though it can squashed and shrunken, will still be a part of me. I have to learn to accept that and move on, and focus on getting better.

Yes I'm in therapy. At first I was reluctant, stating to my mom, my teachers and my friends, that no, I did not need the extra help, I could fix this on my own. But some wise words for Shikumaru changed my mind.

Me and him were sitting outside during lunch, it was one of those days I couldn't stand the cafeteria because of all the people staring at me, though they didn't laugh, they still made me feel uneasy. Usually Sasuke would join me, but being the Soccer Captain made him pretty busy most lunches. At first he wanted to quit, saying things like, he wanted to always be there for me and help me out when I needed him, but I knew the truth was he wanted to make sure I was eating. In the end, Shikumaru and Ino took on the jobs of helping and watching me while Sasuke was gone, saying they'd text him after every lunch with the daily update.

Anyways, back to Shikumaru finally getting me to agree to therapy. When I brought up my will to do this on my own, he turned to me and in a very unlike Shikumaru fashion and said, "But Sakura, where has doing things on your own gotten you so far? Let's face it, you need help, because there is a high chance or relapse and I know you're not stupid and understand that."

At first I felt insulted and then grateful, because while everyone was walking around me like they were on egg shells, Shikumaru was being dead honest. Between him and Ino, I was able to see my problem more clearly.

Oh, and one good thing finally did come out of my bad dieting. They finally got together! After comforting Ino that day, Ino finally realized that only one guy was truly always there for her and that was Shikumaru. After a weeks of beating around the bush, Ino finally asked him out. Yes, she asked him! And dare I say, it made my day. Shikumaru's face was a red as cherry!

I was also the first day I laughed out loud since I'd begun this evil cycle.

Naruto was so shocked, he picked me up and swung me around. After a moment he set me down.

"Saki, please laugh again for me!" I smiled but shook my head.

"Naruto, I can't force a laugh! Do something funny today and I will again okay?" And so the challenge was set. Naruto tried to prank, crack jokes or do something random every day to hear my laugh again.

Sasuke on the other hand was pissed he missed it.

"On the one day I stay behind in chemistry, I miss it." He said in a sulking tone of voice. Naruto had rubbed in his face, the miracle that was my laugh. (his words not mine!)

"Oh my goodness, it'll happen again! Stop getting all sulky about it and relax!" I gave him a peck on the cheek. "I'm almost fine, my laugh will be something you'll hear again soon!"

From then on, I made more of an effort to love life and the jokes it offered. I didn't want my laugh to become such a shocker again.

Now I bet the question of what happened to Karin is still out there?

Well, Ino took that one into her own hands and not only went to our Principal but also to Karin herself and bitched her out. From what Hinata said, Ino didn't let Karin get one word in, but still never actually made fun of Karin or put her down.

She said things along the line of you should be ashamed, and Sasuke doesn't date for looks, but never once did she use Karin's words against her.

And for that I'm thankful. Because now I know the kind of pain words can inflict. She did get suspended for bullying, her words still left their mark. Words leave ugly scars on your soul and in a day can leave you feeling empty and hurt. That voice in my head wasn't Karin's though, it was my own. Each day tearing me down. And sometimes it still comes up, when I look towards of bar of chocolate, _How many calories are in there?_ Or when I try to eat a meal besides lunch, _Is it really worth the fat?_ But I am trying to get better.

I really do want to make my friends proud, but most importantly I want to make myself proud.

I want to be able to look in the mirror and say, I am beautiful, not because Sasuke said it, but because I know it.

I want to laugh loudly and not care whose looking.

Wear whatever I feel comfortable in and makes me feel pretty.

I want to love myself.

I want to be happy again.

And you know what?

I think one day I will be.

I write the words Strength and Will on my wrist now, because these words guide me, each day.

Slipping on my favourite pair of jeggings, and a pink t-shirt, I remind myself that this day just like any other will be conquered and I can do this.

I can fight the monster I created.

**Dear heavens, I'm sorry this took a full month.**

**And I know I promised this wouldn't be the end, and there would be more development, but I couldn't do it. I felt utterly blocked by the "what's next?" Do I write the rehab kind of story or the relapse? Or do I just let her be happy?**

**Im a sucker for a happy ending. So here you go, not the world's greatest ending but I am proud that out of the 5 (yes 5!) endings/chapters I wrote, this one got chosen. Because we all need something to hope for, and getting better is one of them ^.^**

**Also loves, I began a new story too! It'll be up in the next week, (yay!) so that took my focus from this story. Not in a bad way, I just needed the break from all the sad you know?**

**Anways thank you for joining me on this journey, this short story meant a lot to me, and you all do as well. Im sorry the ending is so sudden but I didn't feel there was more to say. **

**Xoxo**


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